Feel into this for a moment…

Have you ever felt that there is an aura instilled behind social-norms that makes us feel that we have to live life cheaply for freedom? That we cultivate subconscious plans with our finances in search for liberation.

I’m speaking to the nature of not just millennials but artist communities and spiritual circles to all those who have been working full time careers. We are all equal. For a moment, without comparison, think about yourself and your outlook on this manipulated tool for living: money.

Capitalism and advertising tells us to drink the kool aid and look like these models, travel lavishly and buy, buy, buy because all of our friends are doing it. Our parents always told us to be responsible, buy the house and save, save, save. And our ancestors just want us to find peace within the matrix. Yet I and you might be left feeling confused with toxic spending or investing habits.

The reality: Where is the midline when I can’t even afford a hole in the wall apartment out of my parents house? I’m in my 20s and working 3 plus, most likely, dead-end jobs? This doesn’t even include my college debt over my head. OR I’m middle aged, I did all the things to be in this career and it’s not supporting me let alone the needs of my husband and family. HELP.

What shows up for most of us:

SHAME.

I feel ashamed because if I don’t move out of my parents house, I am a failure.
I feel ashamed because when I go out with my friends to feel involved in social interaction, I’m eyeballing the prices on the menu more than the quality of my meal I will receive from this interaction that will make me feel better or worse.

I feel ashamed because others look like they’re doing so much better than me with their new cars, always traveling, making money off of their passion and I repeat my same cycle everyday.
I feel ashamed because I’m scared to invest in myself for the better well being of myself.
I feel ashamed because I don’t deserve to treat myself.
I feel ashamed because I feel helpless, more is never enough.

I feel ashamed because I spent way too much on that and now I’ve put myself in the deeper cycle of conditioning.

You are not alone, my love.

And this self-limiting behavior actually has a mirroring reverse-psychology which is a whole OTHER topic but very brief… Someone sees you ordering the cheapest thing on the menu and they feel they have to also in shame of spending their own money or treating themselves! I’ll let that one sit and I digress because I’ve been in that seat too.

Whether you’re disciplining yourself on making that purchase or waiting it out to see if it’s still worth it, you’re internally limiting your self worth and love to save a few bucks. There’s a little microcosmic damage that comes with that belief system every time you do it that stores energetically in parts of your sacred body.

In reaction to this shame-demeanor-behavior we’ll do vata inducing things like chronic desire to fill our accounts more and more, feel comfortable with seeing a certain amount and punish ourselves by limitation of desire when that number gets too low or close, mentally instilling this fear by telling yourself you’re always poor so you don’t spend money and/or rationalizing with yourself with an angel and a devil on each shoulder to decide if this purchase, investment, or finance is worth it. Not to mention, the psychology around positively and negatively Treating Yourself. Which could and might be a whole other post… stay tuned.

Whooooof. Can I get an aho? We’ve been here before, in some way.

Just think about this, if I tell myself: I can’t have that. I don’t have the money for that this week, I get paid next week. I’m too poor for that. I’m poor, even though I probably have enough in my account. I need to save more money or I need more money. I guess I’ll treat myself today. I shouldn’t get that. I don’t want that… but I do. I don’t need it. How does all of this start to feel the more you tell yourself no?

I know I’ve caught myself saying all of these things. While some of it can feel rational, some of it might not even be true and infact just limiting your sweet innately desirous self. This can be thought about more than just financially but also emotionally and spiritually– how are you not letting yourself show up in the world or hiding? Maybe financial fear is getting in your way of that, too. Think Sis.

On the opposing perspective, let's speak on wanting and being absolutely comfortable freely spending. Which to note, all of my writings are non-dualistic– meaning there is no good or bad, right or wrong, only feeling and experience.

From this experience of letting yourself have can feel like liberation. We’ve all heard of the Yes (Wo)Man. Within moderation, everything is bliss. Until your account runs dry and the need to “grind” harder to refill that cup again becomes a hamster wheel effect. I certainly have experienced falling while the wheel is still spinning and kept going. That productive Pitta, am I right? Bring to light that I then turned this short term high into punishment. (See my post: how do I heal and have a full time job?)

This is the mentality I know is within a lot of us. Turn and Burn.

Where can we meet in the middle? Within moderation, everything is bliss. In Ayurveda, we seek balance. Balance is achievable and different for everyone.

Well how do I find balance, in my realm of finances?

First, to not compare others lives with what you are doing or have. There is always going to be this limiting belief, IF YOU LET IT, that others have more. And maybe they do, maybe they just spend everything they have on what makes them happy though and that’s all you see. Let’s not lose ourselves and always remember to be gentle to others' processes.

Second, you know you the best. Perhaps, when situations arise, close the eyes and feel into and question yourself. Make choices through the heart’s wisdom of feeling over reacting. This is a practice that takes noticing your spending or investing habits initially and then cultivating a slowness when face to face with spending situations. Think, am I spending this money as an investment into my well being or am I spending or not spending as a way of limitation to my desires? Will this take away or transform me? Will this give me guilt or pleasure, why? Is this for others or myself?

Third, spend on what you love with the best intention in mind for yourself and your body! What will make you a more beautiful, whole, ojas-filled version of yourself? Without underlying guilt. Spend with intuition involved from the heart-gut not the mind.

Ayurveda teaches us that we already have everything we need so anything extra we invite in our lives should enhance not give us joy because we already are joy. Pranini is joy and we are Pranini.

Take these teachings as a seed to plant in the garden of your mind that you tend to slowly.

Heal slow, feel slow and love slow.

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Thank you my loves.

Xx,

Ray of Light