Who takes care of you? Let that question steep within your nervous system for a moment.

It came to my mind while holding the hand of a close friend of mine very softly as they were in a deeply sensitive state; so many of us in dire need of care of another wait until we’ve done profound damage to ourselves before we let someone help us. We appear on the outside well kempt, however in those broken down moments our vigilance and unsavory independence rise to the surface.

Once we independently leave the shelter of our mothers and fathers, or perhaps they leave us, we enter the part of our lives that faces the depths of being truly alone, stumbling like the first steps of a baby deer as it learns to walk, but for the second time.

As someone who moved very, very far from the comforts of home, a lot of the time it felt like I never truly had a foundation to take rest on. Even with a roof over my head, even with my portable box with four wheels, I could find sanctuary in places with the feeling of home, however, there’s nothing quite like the lingering feeling as though you’re constantly on the run.

In the months or years of keeping our heads above water without someone to quite gently pat our back and tuck us in at night, we grow up and become hardened adults looking for substance when no ones there to whisper us, “Goodnight.” Or let in unpalatable people who do, yet cannot provide the safety to the capacity that all hearts long for and deserve.

It’s not in our society’s structure to be taught to love, yet we are born love. Therefore, we un-do love and grow fear around it. Then have to learn it again in our adult years.

So, in leaving the nest we become the nurturer and the nurtured for ourselves, without the hand of another to hold except our own. To our best capacity, we may succeed or we may falter. But the reality is, we’re learning to survive again, through the expenses of life as well as giving ourselves basic needs between a 40+ hour work week.

It was in that moment, observing their body curled up with their eyelids fastened, that I understood everything that my friend had been feeling.

It was in that moment, I held their helpless hand and I remembered that there’s such profound grounding in the safety of another who’s roots tangle in ours, makes us feel at home, and also so much exhaustion from taking care of ourselves without the help of anyone else or a home base to land back on.

“Who takes care of you?” I asked, quietly.

“Myself.”

I felt so much love that they could feel safe enough to lay down their armor of independence and simply rest.

Do you remember when you were born and your mother held you within both of your nakedness and tears against her skin? Most likely not, right. Well, your body's intelligence does. And that’s why when you’ve got a rush of anger or fear or other, if someone you cared about were to give you a hug in that moment, hold you close, everything would dissipate just enough for your nervous system to soften.

When we’re so in our independence, sometimes we forget the value of a safe friend, loving partner or family member. So much so that we forget to take care of ourselves so deeply, that we don’t allow any healthy physical touch in our lives.

The kind that the warmth of another, physically or emotionally, is received from the most caring part of another's heart.

The kind that is loving without implication of sexuality.

The kind that we can shed our projections and fear enough to close our eyes and feel safe.

Let this be your reminder to reach out to those who aren’t asking for the extra support, although you might know they need it.

Let this be your reminder to yourself, to ask for help in whatever way feels good to you. If you are struggling with substance abuse, know that you are not alone and to not fear support or asking for help.

Let this be your reminder if you’re in relation or partnership, to work consciously by having clear communication around safety and boundaries. If that is unreachable to you, please seek support in someone you trust.

In a world full of people, no one should have to feel alone.

Much Love + Light.

Xx,

Ray of Light